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- Allen Schumacher
Sunday morning entry... Nails?
-
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Archive through November 01, 2009
- Thread starter aschumacher
- Start date
Help Support IH Cub Cadet Tractor Forum:
J
jott
Guest
Allen and Scott, good guesses, but wrong again.
Jason B, you are VERY close and you are on the right track
Jason B, you are VERY close and you are on the right track
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2006
- Messages
- 3,290
- displayname
- Home of the Plow Special
Soup (or other food products) cans...
J
jott
Guest
nothing to do with cans
Beer Bottle Caps
J
jott
Guest
Vince T, DING DING DING!!! you got it! Cubgradulations
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2006
- Messages
- 3,290
- displayname
- Home of the Plow Special
Figures a guy who has a part time job at a bowling-alley would get the correct answer.
Isn't that cheating in some sense?
Isn't that cheating in some sense?
J
jott
Guest
Art, ....not really. someone would have got it eventually.
fcurrier
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2004
- Messages
- 3,155
- displayname
- Frank A. Currier(Northern Maine)
I thought about this while doing some seat time today. (ever notice how seat time gives time to think)? We need a dirty joke, and I think this is the one:
THREE WHITE HORSES JUMPED OVER THE FENCE AND FELL IN THE MUD.
(insert "bad rabbit")
THREE WHITE HORSES JUMPED OVER THE FENCE AND FELL IN THE MUD.
(insert "bad rabbit")
A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'
When the Newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'
The Newfie nodded...'I'll tell you though, Lord thunderin' Jesus, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.
'No, from the fin' skippin'.
When the Newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'
The Newfie nodded...'I'll tell you though, Lord thunderin' Jesus, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.
'No, from the fin' skippin'.
stanner
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2002
- Messages
- 1,349
- displayname
- Scott Tanner... Can't even see the Cub in this mess..
From another form.... ROTFLMAO!!
http://www.network54.com/Forum/74182/thread/1258832291/O-T+but+ROFL-+Meter+Man
O/T but ROFL- Meter Man
November 21 2009 at 11:38 AM MeanGene (Login 2many427s)
Members
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So I'm heading out for breakfast this morning, and there's a PG&E pickup in my circular driveway, and I see the meter reader out at the road by the mailbox, waving his arms and yelling into his cell phone- and he's covered in mud from the waist down. I'm thinking, this ought to be good... So he continues his very animated conversation, finally hangs up, sees me, and says, "that sheep over there in the field just attacked me from behind, and knocked me on my ass"- so I start laughing, and he says "that was my wife on the phone, and she laughed at me too- I don't think it's funny- goddamn sheep attacked me from behind FOUR TIMES!!!" I'm just bubblin' by now, so I ask him, "did the sheep have his rubber boots on?" He was pretty young and seemed like a city boy, I guess he never heard about "goat dancers", went right over his head. So I tell him, "he just thought you were the farmer, and was turning the tables on you- he was just horny". I'm busting up, he says "c'mon, it's not funny..." Then he starts to grin, and says, OK, it is a little funny". I ask him, what are you gonna tell the guys back at the shop when they ask you how you got all muddy?" "I'm gonna tell 'em I tripped and fell down"
http://www.network54.com/Forum/74182/thread/1258832291/O-T+but+ROFL-+Meter+Man
O/T but ROFL- Meter Man
November 21 2009 at 11:38 AM MeanGene (Login 2many427s)
Members
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I'm heading out for breakfast this morning, and there's a PG&E pickup in my circular driveway, and I see the meter reader out at the road by the mailbox, waving his arms and yelling into his cell phone- and he's covered in mud from the waist down. I'm thinking, this ought to be good... So he continues his very animated conversation, finally hangs up, sees me, and says, "that sheep over there in the field just attacked me from behind, and knocked me on my ass"- so I start laughing, and he says "that was my wife on the phone, and she laughed at me too- I don't think it's funny- goddamn sheep attacked me from behind FOUR TIMES!!!" I'm just bubblin' by now, so I ask him, "did the sheep have his rubber boots on?" He was pretty young and seemed like a city boy, I guess he never heard about "goat dancers", went right over his head. So I tell him, "he just thought you were the farmer, and was turning the tables on you- he was just horny". I'm busting up, he says "c'mon, it's not funny..." Then he starts to grin, and says, OK, it is a little funny". I ask him, what are you gonna tell the guys back at the shop when they ask you how you got all muddy?" "I'm gonna tell 'em I tripped and fell down"
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk,
he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and
says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,
because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
I got married, had a mass of puppies, and now I'm just retired. '
The guy is amazed.
He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the owner says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff!!!!!!!!!!
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk,
he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and
says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,
because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
I got married, had a mass of puppies, and now I'm just retired. '
The guy is amazed.
He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the owner says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff!!!!!!!!!!
glippert
Well-known member
Don T - Very Funny.
How about Ole & Lena? They went grocery shopping and Lena got arrested for shoplifting a can of pears.
At trial, the judge asked how many pears were in the can. Lena said, "Oh, ya, I s'pose 4 or 5." The judge said, "Then I sentence you to 4 month in jail."
Ole jumped up and yelled, "But, yer honor, she stole a can of peas, too!"
How about Ole & Lena? They went grocery shopping and Lena got arrested for shoplifting a can of pears.
At trial, the judge asked how many pears were in the can. Lena said, "Oh, ya, I s'pose 4 or 5." The judge said, "Then I sentence you to 4 month in jail."
Ole jumped up and yelled, "But, yer honor, she stole a can of peas, too!"
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.
The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?"
The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?"
stanner
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2002
- Messages
- 1,349
- displayname
- Scott Tanner... Can't even see the Cub in this mess..
Two guys were out hunting, and as they are walking along they
come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.
The second hunter says, " I don't know, let's throw something down and listen
and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and
we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a
rustling in the brush behind them.
As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up
to the hole and with no hesitation at all, jump in head first.
While the dumbfounded hunters are standing there looking at each other, staring down into the hole and Trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer. "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere did you?"
The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here
a minute ago and a goat came out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to an old transmission!"
come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.
The second hunter says, " I don't know, let's throw something down and listen
and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and
we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a
rustling in the brush behind them.
As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up
to the hole and with no hesitation at all, jump in head first.
While the dumbfounded hunters are standing there looking at each other, staring down into the hole and Trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer. "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere did you?"
The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here
a minute ago and a goat came out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to an old transmission!"
proessler
Well-known member
Don T Pretty Good for a Tiger Chuckle!!
rmclements
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2009
- Messages
- 49
- displayname
- Robert M. Clements
Do you know the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?????
Santa stopped with three HO's!
Santa stopped with three HO's!
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!
After a few minutes the therapist stepped away, Eileen buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!
After a few minutes the therapist stepped away, Eileen buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.
