Archive through September 03, 2009

[kide]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached
the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.. I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Just a couple minutes ago...'

 

[sstanton]

Irony is choking to death on a Lifesaver!

 

[jott]

A first grade teacher collected old well-know proverbs. she gave each kid in her class thje first half of the provern and had them come up with the rest. here are the results:

-Better to be safe than...Punch a fifth grader.
-Strike while the...Bug is close.
-It's always darkest...Beofore daylight savings time.
-No news is...impossible.
-A miss is as good as a...Mr.
-if you lie down with the dogs you'll...stink in the morning.
-the pen is mightier than the...Pigs.
-children shoould be seen and not...Spanked or Grounded.
-You get something out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
-Dont put off till tomorow what...You put on to go to bed.

 

[T-Mo]

Who says you need a computer and email (PPS - large file)

http://www.keepandshare.com/doc/view.php?id=1411151&da=y

 

[T-Mo]

Are your tools this powerful:

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa145/treed_63628/?action=view&current=T rimmer.flv

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa145/treed_63628/?action=view&current=L eafBlower.flv

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa145/treed_63628/?action=view&current=P owerDrill.flv

And finally - when was your nail gun made:
http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa145/treed_63628/?action=view&current=N ailgun.flv

 

[sstanton]

I need a leafblower like that!!!! LMAO!

 

[jott]

There are these two married couples that have gone out to dinner together. The wife of the one couple was bragging about how the sports car that her husband bought her can go from 0-60 in 3 seconds. Then the wife of the other couple asks her husband" why didnt you ever buy me anything that goes 0-60 in 3 seconds?" and her husband replies "I did....i bought you a scale."

 

[thenrie]

One day three old gents went out to play a round of golf, after working all day on their Cub Cadets (I ad-libed that part). After several holes, the first fellow said, "Boy, it's windy today!" The second responded, "No, I think it's Thursday." The third turned in agreement and said, "Yeah, me too! Let's go get a beer!"

The older I get, the better I... I forget the rest.

 

[dtanner]

Guys this is a big file,But worth a watch,just shows there is good in us all.

Later Don T

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMj2K2-K8wo

 

[rpalmer]

Donald Tanner,
Nice story of two souls.

 

[chunt]

A middle-aged man is speeding down an open country road. Eventually he attracts the attention of a state patrol officer who begins pursuit. For some time the man keeps his speed up and refuses to pull over. Finally, the man comes to his senses and pulls over to the side of the road.

The seasoned Officer offers the offender a chance to redeem himself. "I'm tired and my shift is almost over. I'll let you go if you can come up with an excuse for why you didn't pull over that I haven't heard before."

The speeder thinks to himself for a bit and offers the following response: "Twenty years ago my wife ran off with a state patrol officer. I thought you were trying to bring her back."

With that the officer turns back towards his car and says, "Have a nice day, sir."

 

[chunt]

A fire started in a pasture near a farm in eastern North Carolina. The fire department from a nearby city was called to put out the fire. The fire proved to be more than the city fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt they could be of any assistance, the call was made.

Five minutes later, the volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon, they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two, easily controllable parts.

The farmer was impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared. The next day he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.

A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That should be obvious," responded the captain. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that there fire truck."

 

[chunt]

"Johnnie."

"Yes, teacher."

"If there are twenty sheep in a field, and one gets out through a hole in the fence, how many sheep are left in the field?"

"None, teacher."

"Johnnie, there are still nineteen sheep left in the field. Obviously you don't know arithmetic."

"Sorry, teacher, but I do know arithmetic. Obviously you don't know sheep."

 

[jott]

I was listening to the radio the other day and they had their daily survey question and it was- "More steel goes into making what product than what goes into making car bodies?"

I thought i would let you guys make a few guesses before i tell you what the answer is to see if you can figure it out.

 

[aschumacher]

Large size wood furnaces??

 

[jott]

Allen, smaller

 

[aschumacher]

1. Various kinds of (small) garden tractors??
2. Would I know it in a non agriculture upbringing??

 

[jott]

Nothing to do with tractors. you should be familiar with it even without an unagricultural upbringing.

 

[rpalmer]

With cars today, my guess would be a toaster.

 

[aschumacher]

An old fashion stand alone mailbox?