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Trip to the Store

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rbedell

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Roland Bedell
A TRIP TO WAL-MART

You are in the middle of a home improvement project at your house.

You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old
t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great project, you realize you need to run to
Wal-Mart to get something to complete the job. Depending on your age
you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush
your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex.
Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might
meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went toschool
with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married
the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check
yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cutegirl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch
of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.Your bottle of Brute
Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check
yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the
registeris your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change
shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the
mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The
cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes.
The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so
nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you
don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too.
Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you
because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to
go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking
for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at
the front door went to school with you.

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